It was great to hear from my older brother today. He commented on “no new news” and I realize he and others might phone often, but for a lot of us the computer world has become an important means of communication. I had a tough day yesterday, and sometimes am unsure what to post and what not to post. My impulse is to be intimate and to connect, but I want to respect others’ ways of being also.
Something Heather and I feel is that we feel Dad “belongs to the community.” We talked about this, perhaps (and give me a break because reality and memory are often disconnected these days. ) in relation to someone saying that they didn’t know how much privacy the family wants. Or how much help we need. Hey, people, I grew up in a home where my father was gone to meetings it seemed more nights than he was home. He was always working on Head Start or Dems or starting a fire department or a million other things he saw that could improve our world. So yeah, the answer is I love it when the community is there for him, just like he was there for them. We read your “I care” messages to him, which to me is a way of letting him know that his caring for you is reciprocated. I thank you Dave and more.
Yes please telephone the house 479-6782 and talk to Dad if he’s able. Just a minute to say “wow I remember such and such and thanks for being a friend” would be really nice. Same for a short visit. I think Dad loves to hear someone tell him just a brief hello or even read an article from the paper. He’s such a people person.
Deborah Niedermeyer was probably scared (I’m not sure) to ask me questions about how Dad was, before I put her on the phone with Dad. Let me assure you, most times I am happy to be open in relaying information and feeling to you folks. People are probably asking themselves a dozen FAQs, and I have been remiss about letting you know. Sometimes we just haven’t known ourselves.
Where is he in the Alzheimer situation? Probably about 1-2 years into it, he’s been coping remarkably well because he’s so smart. Last fall he started asking me to get Power of Attorney because he knew he couldn’t make heads or tails of writing checks. He now has a hard time with words. A couple of months ago we chuckled over his desire for a toothpick after supper, which he expressed by long stories about “cave diggers” and “needles.” Likewise, this last week he has been talking about “machine guns” which we think is sharp pains in his leg or elsewhere. He’s in and out of verbal technique and sometimes seems vague while other times we are sure he’s right on.
How’s he doing physically? This report comes from a lay daughter and is not professional in any sense. Dad spends almost all the time in a chair in the living room (easy chair, heavily padded type) or bed or otherwise not charging around. He can walk a little bit, but that changes from day to day. Heather and I help him get upright to move from one place to another, and he is usually eager to help with the “one, two, three UP!” Sometimes when we ask him “are you ready to get up?” he will not answer, sometimes he nods his head, and sometimes he says yes. His skin is in pretty good condition and his weight seems fine to me. He’s not very strong. He has no infections and his digestion is working just fine. His appetite is good.
What is the outlook? Dad won’t make 90. Some days I sat with him and thought he was going to die in the next hour. Heather had the same days or nights. Other times he seems muddling along OK and nothing too horrendous is amiss. His problems haven’t really been Alzheimer illness related; he’s not super late stage. But we hope we are prepared for most anything and know that things have been roller coaster the last few months and may look really difficult tomorrow. Or they could go on kind of pokey for quite some time (months?). As the doctor says, “no crystal balls around here.”
Heather and I are getting a little more help at the homestead from Hospice, Home Health (from the hospital) and other sources. We’re not keen on ever going back to the hospital. I hope he loves being home, and invite you to come by briefly and make it more lively. I love sitting next to Dad and talking to him about this or that. Today when Dick brought “Raivaaja” I told him I couldn’t make any sense of the Finnish language parts of it, but would he like his glasses so he could read it? “Yes.” A bit later, when I told him I had to go home, he suggested to me that if I had any extra Raivaaja’s hiding out at my place, I “should bring them along” when I come back tomorrow.
Carrie Frye (? Yike! Sorry if I “senior moment” ed this one too.) was a lovely help today. She took Mom out to dump the garbage and other Mom stuff. It meant the world to me because it was perfect. You stepped right up and knew that Heather and I were focused on Dad, and helped us by giving Mom and the household some support. Wow. Deep thanks.
Great to hear from you people. –Chena
